IF PILOTS WROTE THE REGS…

91.3     The pilot is in charge, but if anything goes wrong, the pilot will be blamed.

91.7     If your aircraft is broken, don’t fly.    If your airplane breaks during flight, land, and apply 91.3.

91.11   Don’t mess with the pilot.

91.13   If someone on the ground sees you doing something that looks careless, reckless, crazy or stupid, apply 91.3.

91.15   You can drop anything you want out of an airplane, unless it appears to look careless, reckless, crazy or stupid.

91.17   Don’t fly drunk or high on drugs.  You can kick your drunk buddies off the plane.

91.19   If you use your plane to carry drugs, and you get caught, apply 91.3.

91.21 If you are flying in the clouds, do not attempt to make a call on your cell, play Nintendo, or catch up on Facebook on your IPad.  However you can shave, make a demo recording for the country western charts and use your hearing aid while flying.

91.103 You have to know everything about aviation because if you don’t the FAA can always find a reason to apply 91.3.

91.105 Sit in your seat and wear your seatbelt.

91.107 Tell everybody else to wear their seatbelt, especially when on or close to the ground.

91.111 If you run into someone in the air it will be bad.  Don’t fly formation unless everyone knows what in the heck you are doing.

91.113 Get out of the way of the guy in trouble and the balloons.  Turn right and apply 91.111.

91.117 If you are lucky enough to fly a plane that goes faster than 200 knots, memorize the speed limits, because unlike the interstate highway, the speed limit is NOT POSTED.

91.119 If your engine quits at any time, you better be able to grease the landing and apply 91.3.

91.123 If ATC tells you to do something, you darn well better comply or think up a really good excuse.

91.125 Green usually means go, and red usually means stop, except when they both mean exercise extreme caution.

91.126 Why do we have class G airspace?

91.133 There are some places you are positively not allowed to fly.

91.141 If the President is flying, drive to the beach and work on your tan.

91.146 If you want to fly for a charitable event you will need a lawyer to represent you.

91.151 Don’t run out of gas and apply 91.3.

91.155 There are about 37 rules about how close you can fly to a cloud, unless ATC gives you permission to fly through it.

91.159 People flying east and people flying west should not run into each other.

91.167 It takes more fuel to fly through clouds.

91.175 If you want to land when it is cloudy you must be able to see something on or near the runway.

91.185 If your radios and navs fail in the clouds, you are basically toast.

91.205 Most of the stuff in your airplane has to be in working condition.

91.213 If something in your airplane breaks, you better take it out or put a big sign on it that says INOP, and remember, always apply 91.3.